Aaaiii yah yaaaiii! The end of the year is nearly here. Holiday fanfare, twirls of emotions, traffic and busyness is everywhere. In between, if you really are keen, you may notice those weighed down by loss or regret. No matter what is happening, as you juggle your activities, I implore you not to overlook one particular activity.
Yes, this one activity is an asset. It is familiar even though it isn’t popular. It's valuable but it doesn’t scream for your attention. As a matter of fact, it reminds me of a character in the the Frog Prince. Perhaps you know it as the Princess and the Frog.
These days the Grimm Brothers’ Fairy-tales don’t seem well-known. So, allow me to do a quick summary to ensure we are all on the same page, ok.
Princess by the Pond
As with many other tales, this one begins Once upon a time, long, long ago and far, far away in a land where a pretty princess lived. She enjoyed playing in the garden with her favourite toy. It was a most beautiful, golden ball.
Alas! As she played, she threw it so high into the air that it landed in a pond, and she started to cry. Oooo dear! She cried so loud, and she cried so long till she heard a voice asking her, "What's wrong?" Between sobs, the princess explained her plight.
When the voice said it could help, she dried her eyes and, with pure delight, she turned to see who had spoken. To her surprise, she realised that the voice actually belonged to a frog. Of course, this is incredulous! How could a frog really speak?
Nonetheless, since her desire for the golden ball was greater, she happily engaged the services of the frog. The clever frog offered to retreive it on condition that she grant it one wish. Just one wish.
The Princess thought about it and agreed. But, just before the frog left, she asked if it wanted her jewels. It said no. She asked if it would like to have her beautiful crown. It said no. She offered it a bigger pond in a bigger garden. It said no. After all, this one is big enough. Bemused, she asked, “What is the one wish you desire?”
Well, depending on the version of the story you read, it gradually changes to the pronoun ‘he’. (That’s the first subtle clue that this is a unique frog.) So, he, the frog, asked her to let him dine with her that afternoon and then let him sleep on her pillow afterwards. Truthfully, the pretty princess neither wanted to be seen with a frog at the royal table, nor did she want him to sleep on her silky pillow. Yuk! Yukkity yuk yak! Moreover, Who has time for a frog?!
Still, she could not bear to be without her ball — her special golden ball — and so she assented.
As soon as she caught the ball from the frog, she told him thanks and ran away. She ran so fast the frog could not hop-a-long. Can you imagine that? Oh dear!
Later that evening, while at dinner, the constant knocking announced the arrival of the frog. The embarrassed princess refused to let him in. Her father, the King, wanted to know why. After she explained he insisted that she keep her word, and so the frog was welcomed to the royal table.
Later, the reluctant princess took him to her room and let him sleep on her pillow too. In the morning when she awoke, she did not see the frog. Instead, to her surprise, she saw a handsome prince. Depending on the version you read, the prince became her playmate or her husband and they lived happily ever after. The End.
Toss n’ Fall
Now, apart from giving you a tickle, why am I sharing this tale? Well, we also have a golden ball- our time, our aspirations, our relationships, our health, the idyllic holiday plans, the Old Year Reports and the New Year Goals. Daily we juggle and/or toss it into the air. We are happy whenever we catch it again and again.
Whenever it falls, or worse when we lose it, we become disgruntled. Sometimes, we become sulky or secretive. Or, we may stop playing altogether. In that case the objective shifts to protecting the ball by avoiding risk. From time to time, our ill-temper impacts others negatively.
There is help in our garden, you know. Yes, each and every day there is help there. We may hear it go ribbit-ribbit but we don’t usually engage it. Reason being, its disguised as a cool, slimy, frog.
While we appreciate that frogs are a sign of a healthy eco-system, we don’t really want to get close enough to talk to it or, take it home and put it on our pillow. Isn’t that true?
In fact, we would rather delegate or fork out funds to get "another expert opinion".
As a result, we bumble through the tasks and days that turn into months and sometimes, years. If we fail, we chant: If at 1st you don’t succeed then try and try and try again. We soothe ourselves. And, even though we know that doing the same thing in the same way all the time, will get the same result we continue in the same way wishing for success. Then, if we achieve success, we credit it to buck-ups[2], the Divine or Lady Luck.
My friend, there is another element that can free us from this cycle. Yes, it can help us improve our skills. It can help us help ourselves to repeat success.
Feeling clueless? Just patiently read on.
Truthfully, I myself am not a fan of the amphibians. However, I have noticed that several of the princes and princesses we admire at the grand ball have befriended the frog. More than that, I have observed that those we admire most welcome this frog home.
Why? Well, these royals actually wake up with new revelation. Revelation that leads to growth and added benefits. Kingdom assets increase, to say the least.
And, just because you are my friend, I will admit this too. I know the frog’s name. (I am swallowing hard even as I write this.) In fact, I have actually eaten with and slept with the frog.
Would you like to know its name too? Don’t faint now. The frog’s name is… is… Don’t laugh too hard either because it may be offensive. Plus, you are likely to lose out on the rest. Are you ready? The helpful frog in your garden is (drum roll, deep breath, and my eyes closed) Reflection. Yup! That’s its real name. It's no croak!
Befriend the Frog
Yup! Yup! Yuppity yup! You ought to befriend Reflection from now. Why, you may ask. Well, friendship is a process that takes time. More useful information comes over time.
As you recall the events of this year you will begin to see patterns that help you make better decisions for the next. Better yet, categorise your memories. For example: Best Places I Visited; Most Meaningful Moments; Lessons Learned; Sad Events; Best Investments Made; What I wish I knew before entering 2022; Surprises!
...Can you think of any other?
Befriend Reflection because it will help you optimise resources. Have you ever had buyer’s remorse? When? Doesn’t this tend to happen when you are caught up in the heat of the moment? Yes, when the things look good, the sales pitch is sweet, and there is the pressure of urgency, I tend to purchase something that turns into clutter or, commit to doing a task that I later regret. I have also been in meetings where organisations pride themselves on making progress when all they have done is give reports and ratify an impressive wish list that doesn’t lead to effective change.
On the other hand, dithering can cause me to miss out on an amazing opportunity. You see, reflection should lead to clarification. Reflection should make us aware of our needs and limitations; our assets and strengths; our habits and milestones. Whenever this happens it should empower us to make shifts that will bring us closer to our goals.
Like the frog by the pond, reflection is not a thousand-to-one shot. Reflection is a part of cultural and religious experiences. Think about it. Holidays include an aspect of remembering. It may happen while cooking or eating; while looking at photographs or sharing memoirs. Every ceremony and service includes a time of pondering. Think leaders like John Maxwell and Ryan Holiday encourage us to intentionally set aside time to think daily, weekly, monthly and so on. It may be done while doing the mundane tasks; or during your bubble bath; or in your journal. Isn’t that so?
Did you know that even early childhood teachers and counsellors are encouraged to have children do reflection by drawing and/or writing in their scrap books, journals and in preparing annual exhibitions. Teachers are expected to do regular evaluations too. We value the student's reports and the test results because we believe it reflects the process of learning.
Top organisations, politicians, and sports champions practice reflection. They are at the top of their game because they value the process of reflecting. They even invest in retreats from time to time. One should not just go out to wow the crowd but also consider how well the systems are working. They are developing an awareness for the factors that lead to consistent success.
Allow me to juggle in the side-lines a wee bit. Have you noticed that during the World Cup every match has half time? Do you realise that at half time there is a period of reflection for the team too? I bet each player tries to do his own personal reflection to realign himself.
Even in the throes of the urgent, the teams know they need the time to reflect- to reassess- to re-strategise with their coaches. Having talent, resources and even good weather is not enough to WIN. To just a galang-galang-galang up and down and ‘cross the field is not enough. Chasing a ball and directing the ball are not the same although they may appear to be the same activity.
Further, as soon as the Team leaves the World Cup there are periods of regular reflection to prepare for the next World Cup in 4 years. Same way so, it’s time for you and I to prepare for our next 4 years.
And, ahhhm, please do not confuse what the spectators and critics do with reflection.
Reflection has a way of showing us our DNA. When we reflect we become aware of our circumstances, the root of our fears and the source of our strength. When we truly reflect, we recognise the assets that ought to be guarded. We prioritise our legacy. Reflecting is useful for strengthening our resolve. Sometimes reflection helps us bow out of crippling relationships. Reflecting helps us pick up illusive patterns. Reflecting can help us be sure of the next steps that need to be taken and the tools on hand.
Like the Frog, reflection is amphibious. It is rarely limited to a specific time and place. It calls for introspection. It should be scheduled, yes. However, you may find that it also hops in while you are listening to music, reading or driving or overhearing a conversation. Many times, the fruits of reflection come after the meeting has ended or after everyone else has left an event. Be not surprised that while you sleep Reflection morphs into Revelation.
Honestly, this process of reflecting can be slimy at times. Believe me! Certain memories or strong emotions are likely to surface. However, if you remain steadfast you may discover triggers. You may recognise whom you need to forgive in order to be healed. You may understand why certain investments have morphed into liabilities.
Eating at the Table
In fact, I venture to suggest that the reason the frog wanted to eat at the table was to be a part of the process with others. Those of us who always deal with the negative on our own sometimes miss out on the power of community. Those of us who achieve milestones know that, while we appreciate the crowd, it is the community that makes the moment most meaningful. Therefore, I encourage you to establish and maintain a community that sits with you in feast and famine. Honour them. Commit to supporting them. Willingly receive support from them too.
Actually, it’s this family table that often reveals our DNA. Do you remember that it was the King who reminded the Princess that she ought to keep her word? Yes, embarrassment and fear made her leave the frog outside. Apparently, the King insisted she let him in because integrity is a part of their kingdom values.
Here is another reason we should be intentional about reflecting. Reflecting will enable us to see how wealthy we are. As we reflect, certain persons, skills and experiences are magnified, and gratitude is amplified. We become thankful. Thankfulness fuels our joy. It greases our peace. It enables us to honour the past, be decisive, and press on with resolve to a successful future.
Note of Caution
Beware: Many of us find it easier to reflect on the business of others. Yes, I have been guilty of that. Being altruistic, I have spent much time reflecting on the business of clubs, my profession, ministries, clients, friends, family and even the nation. That is all good. However, self-reflection, I have learned, should never be neglected. It should neither be delegated nor relegated.
“In our personal lives, if we do not develop our own self-awareness and become responsible for first creations, we empower other people and circumstances to shape our lives by default.” – Stephen Covey
That’s why I am sharing this with you, my royal friend. Make the time to reflect so that you are ready for the AGMs. But, value your self so much that you make the time to reflect in order to become a more fulfilled individual and community member.
Finally, let's agree to take the frog home. Be hospitable. When you wake up you will see that your Kingdom has benefitted in extraordinary ways. The Frog is really a Prince after all!
Thanks for hearing me out. I look forward to hearing from you. Please share your thoughts on how Reflection has benefitted you too. How will you gift yourself the time to reflect this year?
Until then, fulljoy your ball, me fren’!
Insightful and reflective..thank you for the modern day analogy and well told tale. Kurdell